I feel like women at held at such a higher standard and maybe its not even that, it that i hold myself at such a high standard in everything and dont give myself credit. If i have previously done something, even if the situation surrounding what i did was completely different, i expect myself to be able to come out with the same result. For example, i got straight A's all through high school, which i was proud of, but honestly it wasn't hard. I was in a few AP classes but other than that i had it pretty easy. So i expect straight A's in college, and it is a lot harder. But i cannot settle for anything less and i obsess over the fact that i need A's. I like need them to feel accomplished. Very few times do i feel proud of myself. I just have such high expectations for myself, and i dont know where they come from i just end up beating myself up if i dont reach those. Another example is when i was a junior in high school i was super skinny, i was very involved in dance and i had gone through like the brunt of my puberty and lost all of my baby fat at once. So needless to say, i was very skinny. And every time i see pictures from that i get upset at myself that im not at that state anymore. I work out often and ive gained much muscle since then so i dont even know how realistic it is that i could be that skinny anymore. But i want to get back there, i want to be like that again. My situation is so different and its not really possiIble for me to look exactly like that ever again but in my mind, ive looked like that before and i can do it again.
I unfortunatley get so down on myself and i want to reach a certain standard that is nearly out of reach. And not reaching it makes me get more down on myself and in turn i can never really feel like im succeeding.